I see a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedly dee...

I spend a relatively large portion of my limited computer time each day screaming at the screen: ‘That just doesn’t make sense!!’  The ‘science’ behind the global push to eliminate meats (beef is my focus, of course) from everyone’s diet makes me pull out my hair.  Think of a few fast ‘facts’ about beef; what came to your mind?  Greenhouse gas production, specifically from transportation that hauls animals and their products; deforestation and biodiversity concerns; pesticides, herbicides, and chemical fertilizers.  Did I hit the big three?

Campaigns aplenty funded by vegan zillionairs are circulating through the United Nations and significantly powerful environmental nonprofits are working hard to convince governments to tax and outlaw beef as though it is the source of a global health crisis.  In its place we’re seeing fake alternatives to beef spike onto the marketplace, touted, of course, as being far superior for both you and the environment.  Golly gee, it seems as though a factory formed soybean patty peppered with little flecks of coconut ‘marbling’ is the perfect answer we’ve all been waiting for!  Hooray for a utopian future devoid of obesity, chronic disease, and environmental destruction!

This promised future is coming from the same food industry that happily caters a diet consisting of three pounds of sugar per person per week in the United States.  They’re definitely concerned about bettering your health; certainly there is no other motive.

Except money.  We need to realize that agriculture isn’t a diverse landscape of regional companies anymore; pretty much everything is owned by only a few players.  If the big time grain conglomerates can wipe out their animal protein competitors by stigmatizing meats and replacing them with a fake grain-based protein substitute, there are literally trillions to be made; one or two companies could control all of the food consumed in the US, because all of it would stem from their plant genetics, and their chemical controls, and their manufacturing facilities; it wouldn’t matter if you’re buying a fake sandwich or corn flakes, you’ll be padding the wallet of the same people.  For all the fuss about billionaires and collusion these days, I can’t believe nobody notices this.

It’s pretty easy to convince people not to eat meat; mention killing an animal and a suburban household whose exposure to life and death has always been dictated by horror movies and video games will reel in shock.  Talk about a trendy new hamburger alternative that has coconut fat in it, though, and your message will easily slip in among the green ‘eco’ leaf stamped on the car(s) and the recycling message on the dish soap bottle.  It’s good for us and good for the world, so says the Sierra Club, end of discussion, no questions asked.

Well, I’ll ask a few.

Why do anti-animal environmentalists think growing crops for animals is bad but growing the same crops for people is good?  Changing the destination of the soybean from a feedlot to a manufacturing facility for paste patties doesn’t change the dead zone in the Gulf of Mexico or the Chesapeake Bay.  Erosion and pollutant runoff from grain fields doesn’t care what the end product is.  Truth be told, I think the logical thing to do is eliminate the crops and keep the grass and livestock (I’m working on doing that here).  But that doesn’t jive with the groupthink we’re all following so scientifically.

A hugely popular product called the Impossible Burger has flecks of coconut fat mixed in with the protein paste to make it look and feel more like beef.  Last time I looked, there aren’t many coconut trees in close proximity to most of the US population.  So where do these flecks come from?  Indonesia.  The Philippines.  India.  And how do they get here?  Scotty from Star Trek doesn’t ‘beam them up’, the heavy products are hauled around the world, contributing considerably to greenhouse gas production as the ships carrying them belch out unregulated exhaust fumes on their months-long journey.  Impossible Foods is thumbing their nose at beef?  A cow can be raised on our farm and sold to people in town.  Try that with a coconut.

So enamored with coconuts are we in the US that consumption has increased dramatically in the past decade, leading coconut producing countries to subsidize the planting of more coconuts, resulting in – drumroll – the clearing of native vegetation.  The increased production favors monocultures, pesticides, and herbicides, all applied in countries that only loosely monitor application.  Countries like Brazil are even ramping up coconut production, and they’re not planting the trees in parking lots or corn fields.  They’re making room for more plantations by converting forests so hipsters can enjoy a more realistic fake eating experience when they go out to eat. 

The funny thing is I can’t think of a single celebrity with a nonprofit that’s hell-bent on banning coconuts.  There are alternative motives working behind the scenes here, and I promise they don’t give one rip about you, the environment, or our collective health.  Trends and associated social stigmas can be used as a vehicle to pass some particularly horrifying agendas, and some very conniving people are poised to step into power as a result of our anti-animal trajectory.

Do you want to remain independent or serve as a mule for another’s gravy train? Local food destroys the monopoly. Participate. Enthusiastically. Please.